Until It Hurts


I kind of really want to hate social media. And there are absolutely aspects of it that I very much dislike. However, as lame as it makes me feel, somethings about it I really enjoy. One of those things is seeing posts from previous years.

Yesterday I felt really sad. The hurt and pain of relationships and the cost that come with loving was present on my mind.

As the night was drawing to a close, I went on Facebook and saw a post of mine from three years ago. It was a picture of Mother Theresa’s tomb that I had taken while in Calcutta. Each morning, the sisters there would use flower petals to spell out different quotes and sayings and the day I happened to be there they had written across “love until it hurts“.

As those words collided with my heart and the emotions of the present day, memories of that trip began to flood my mind.

India.

India changed my life. I went there expecting to be the hero and I ended up being the one who was rescued.

My heart was a tattered mess when I went. I remember that well. I dearly loved Jesus and wanted desperately to throw myself into loving people but I was far too hurt to actually let anyone close enough to touch me.

And so… I decided I’d just minister. I’d just serve. I’d just hope that I could touch people without ever letting them touch me.

But that trip taught me to hope again in people. It taught me something about letting people in, letting them know me, letting them love me.

Healing began there, in Calcutta, India.

I began to unlearn how to keep my heart carefully hidden behind serving and ministry. I began to let my broken heart be healed enough to hurt again.

Love until it hurts.

Don’t quit loving. Don’t pull your heart out.

Don’t grow bitter. Don’t grow hardened.

My friend Kyle and I had a good talk yesterday, in which he told me that being a healthy person primarily meant, to him at least, that you could express love well. I like that definition. Being able to give and receive love well. That sounds like health to me.
Sometimes it feels easy to express love. Sometimes it feels easy to give and receive love.

I think however, in this world we live in, often times loving and being loved is the most glorious and terrifying thing. We know it is what we were made for, yet the risk of rejection, the fear of pain, the cost of giving of yourself, the memories of times past when those you loved broke your heart, so often intimidates us into reserved shells, becoming a fraction of the person we know lies within.

Don’t stay there. Break free. Become love. Throw yourself deeper and deeper into His heart and learn from Jesus the way of love, the rhythm of grace. Dare to risk. Dare to feel.

Love will hurt. But, as Mother Theresa’s quote goes, if you love until it hurts, you will find that there is no more hurt, only love.

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